Lesbians all over the world struggle with the question of dating protocol every single day. How do you know who is supposed to wear the pants and pay for dinner? From the first date to a long term relationship, you have to figure things out how to make things work in your best interest. Even though there aren’t any cookie mold answers to all your questions about lesbian dating rules, there are certainly some good rules to live by. In general, if you’ve initiated the date, offer to pay for it. Sure, she might wave you off and insist on paying for her share.
The truth is, there’s no definitive answer about a lot of these things.
Becoming too focused on dating can actually stress you out more since it consumes a disproportionate amount of your time and energy. You’ll buy a house in the ‘burbs and go kayaking on the weekends…Listen, stressing yourself out and getting worried isn’t helping anything or anyone. But don’t waste your energy on worrying and stressing yourself out for nothing. Be a better friend, go on a special trip with your Mom, or help your brother build a fence around his backyard (Your brother obviously needs a fence).
Make sure you take time off from dating to recharge your batteries and enjoy NOT looking for Ms. Who knows, she may just wander into your life when you least expect it! Growing other relationships in your life will sustain you while you look for your dream woman AND help you create a healthier relationship with her later on.
I went from “on the fence” to over the fence in a hurry on that one just because I felt like her decision to allow me to pay was in bad taste. For instance, if yours is an old-school Butch/Femme pairing, you can bank on the fact that the Femme is most likely waiting for the Butch to make the first move. Men have been complaining about that one for centuries. Then there are other questions to consider based on a well you actually know each other. Do you trust her enough to go into her home blindly?
For instance, I was out with a woman once, and it came time to pay the check.
There’s a reason why no one jokes about straight couples or gay men bringing a U-haul on the second date…but some version of that is one of the most common lesbian relationship problems.) Limerence can fool you into thinking you’re perfect for each other – and set you up for a huge let-down 3-12 months later, when the brain chemical high wears off.
Don’t move in together, get engaged, get married or make other big plans within the first six months, no matter how tempted you are. Don’t believe the fantasy that your problems or incompatibilities will “get better with time;” most often they’ll actually get worse.
When women get attracted to each other, we go into limerence, a brain-chemistry high that feels like being in love.
(All couples are affected by limerence, but it’s strongest for lesbians!